I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
