In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need a burrito and a hug.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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