He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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