i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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