Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
