I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
