I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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