so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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