We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
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WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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