And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
fuck your aforementioned shoe
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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