I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
