i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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