well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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