i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
