I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
