We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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