I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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