You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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