Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
