his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
