I think my vagina is haunted
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
