What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
