I want to have your abortion
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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