I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
