he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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