I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
