tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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