All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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