Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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