took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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