he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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