can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
