haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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