Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
