Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
