i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
