The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
