I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
