Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
