just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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