I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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