So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
