return my video game
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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