I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
