you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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