All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
