Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
