We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
