dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Enjoy the penises
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
