Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
