Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
