so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize