Just cropdusted the office
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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