The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
