1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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