you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
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The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.