Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?