Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
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My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
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Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.