My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.